Blessed with Disability Part 2: Nothing Compares to You

US President Theodore Roosevelt stated that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparing ourselves to others can sometimes leave us feeling as if we aren’t enough or that we don’t have enough, because there is always someone who has more.

For example, the media we consume is saturated with social trends. This contributes to people’s experiences with “FoMo,” the Fear of Missing Out. With each swipe of our phone screens and click of our television remotes, we find ourselves needing to keep up and not get left behind. We can describe this social behavior as ‘comparing up;’ the desire to improve social status so that our lives can be perceived as valuable in the eyes of others.

However, social comparison also occurs downward. Individuals who seemingly possess higher social status sometimes place judgment on those whom they perceive as less. This downward comparison is evident when associating it with disabled and non-disabled bodies. People living with disabilities can be targets of downward comparison to non-disabled individuals because of societal barriers and expectations. Deviating from these expectations can lead to shame, ridicule, guilt, anxiety, and depression.

The wheelchair user, the person with cerebral palsy, the individual with Down Syndrome, or the amputee are all left with questions about who they should be versus who they truly are, even more than their non-disabled counterparts when compared this way.

For example, the lower limb amputee, who utilizes prosthetics or crutches may experience a sense of authentic self-expression within their homes. This feeling arises because of their autonomy to decide whether to use a mobile aid without the fear of comparison and without the risk of making others feel uncomfortable. However, once the amputee leaves the safety of their home, they are left with the decision to fit in or stand out; both with their own unique consequences. The use of prosthetics can assist with being perceived as close to ‘normal’ and attract as little attention as possible. There are instances where some lower-limb amputees decide not to wear short pants that show their prosthetics because of their fear of judgment and intense social pressure to fit in and be ‘normal.’

The person with the disability is then left with the conundrum of how to navigate their lives. On one hand, they can be authentic with the accompaniment of potential public ridicule. On the other hand, conforming to societal expectations can be accompanied by self-loathing and the desire for acceptance.

In cooking, both sugar and salt have wildly different flavor profiles. When used together intentionally, they can create a perfectly balanced and delicious dish. Similarly, no two humans are alike. When brought together with the knowledge of the uniqueness of both individuals, it can create a world of harmony. If we are not careful, comparison can rid us of our identity and eliminate our opportunities to learn and grow from one another.

Take ownership of your differences. Do not waste life comparing it to others. We are all different, but not less.

In every waking moment, there is one thing that will forever be true, and it’s that nothing will ever compare to you.